There is this movie called Fools Rush In. It has Matthew Perry and Salma Hayek; it’s a cute little rom-com from the 90s. In the movie, Salma Hayek’s character tells this story about the squirrels that live at the Grand Canyon: In the beginning, there was one squirrel. Over time, as the canyon formed, the squirrels were separated. The squirrels that ended up on the north side went through many changes, as did the squirrels to the south. After thousands of years adapting to their environments, each had changed; they looked different and they acted different. They were now completely different squirrels.
This story came back to me as I was thinking about childhood and how much the experience of being a child has changed. I was reading an article about growing up in the 70s as compared with kids growing up today. The author makes valid points about childhood being an appropriate time for developing social skills, problem solving skills and building character.
It is true that kids today rarely seem to run wild like kids used to. We used to load a wagon with a cooler and whatever else we thought we’d need over the course of the day, grab the dogs, hop on our bikes and take off. We cantered along desert trails and made forts under dense mesquite trees. It wasn’t so different in suburbia either. Kids ran wild, playing capture the flag or kick the can. They held neighborhood races on their big wheels, bikes, tricycles, and scooters without a helmet in sight. It’s a different world for kids today.
I never realized how lucky I was until I got older and discovered how rare it has become to grow up wild. I’m not sure when the change occurred, but I wonder, when did helicopter moms become a thing? This parenting behavior, which no doubt comes from a place of love, seems to be the beginning of the end of running wild.
Before a flock of angry helicopter moms swoop down on me, I will note that I mention them because they are mirrors of society to some extent. There have always been helicopter moms, I’m sure, but once they became “a thing” rather than the odd mom out is maybe when there was a noticeable shift in our society. There was a mass shift in parenting philosophy; it went from parents being traditional authority figures, providing structure, to simply being along for the ride, cushioning bumps for their kids along the way. This change came from the adults, not the kids.
In the past, there had been shows like Mr. Magoo or Inspector Gadget that operated on the premise that adults were bumbling idiots and the kids (or even the dogs) had to do all the thinking and planning to solve the mystery. During the 1990s, we witnessed a change in television programming; the premise of adults as morons became “a thing” rather than the odd show out. This programming was prominent and was glamorized by the likes of Nickelodeon and Disney. Did helicopter moms grow up at just the right time to be influenced by these shows? Did they learn their role as a future parent should consist of keeping quiet and softening blows so their brilliant offspring could focus on running the show?
The element that seems to be missing is the age old belief that life experience is valuable and educational. If parents don’t share this learned wisdom, we essentially have the kids with no life experience ruling the roost. You can see how chaos might ensue.
This also might be the time when children were no longer expected to learn to think for themselves. You see, if mom is always there to make it right before her child even realizes it’s wrong, there are few instances where the child has to consider options and make a decision. There are few opportunities to develop an understanding of consequences. Maybe this is why we seem to crave fewer and fewer choices: many haven’t had the opportunity to learn how to approach decisions.
So much psychological development occurs within the first five or six years of life; how will this reduced stimuli affect basic development in young children? Just as the article I referenced earlier pointed out, this knee jerk reaction to call mom grows with the child, who later calls for the dean, then the government. We are essentially raising a generation that has no other option than to live within a nanny state.
Another striking difference between children in the past and children of today is the sheer number of influences. If you grew up before cable, before computers and smart phones, you used encyclopedias to do your schoolwork. Other than teachers or family, there weren’t that many people to ask when you had a question. Your worldview was localized and you were rarely expected to tackle adult subject matter which you were developmentally ill equipped to handle. In contrast, I vividly remember my niece dropping the phrase “zombie apocalypse” as a seven year old. This stuck with me because I didn’t learn those words or all the dark matter that one might associate with them until I was much older, probably in high school.
With unlimited influences and information, children are overloaded in a way that we as adults aren’t even prepared for. Sure, there is bad stuff out there and kids need to know about it, but there is still subject matter that might not be appropriate for children. What kind of childhood can be hoped for if kids are stressing about politics and consumed with picking their gender?
And of course, now kids have social media. They are in constant contact. They don’t have as much room for developing within their own space, within their own minds. I used to keep myself busy in my bedroom, doing random things that kids used to do. As a creative, it was during these times when I discovered my own voice. I learned my strengths and identified where I had room to improve. I discovered what I loved and what I could do without. Do kids have an opportunity to develop this voice inside themselves anymore? Does the 24/7 whirlwind that is TikTok rob them of this? Can they develop their own preferences, or do their preferences arise from whatever is trending? I wonder if this whole mess just solidifies the pathway towards a nanny state?
Childhood has been truncated; the unabridged version has been deemed extraneous.
I feel as though I want to cry out and say this is all insane and it must be stopped. What kind of world are we preparing these kids for? Then I remember that this is precisely the question I do not know the answer to. I have no idea what kind of world we are preparing these kids for.
How will technology change people’s day to day life? The metaverse is going to be a part of their future, and we are all struggling to understand exactly what it is. If adults do not understand it yet, preparing a child for it is impossible.
Growing up in the past meant that you were free for a certain amount of time. You were free from judgement and constraint, you were free to imagine and create, but most of all, you were allowed to spend years in that magical world. Now things are very different. The things I miss were never a normal part of life for kids today. They aren’t capable of missing the way things once were.
I think children who had the freedom to grow up wild are a different kind of human than those who have grown up under the watchful eye of the hovering protector. The generation gap has manifested itself via speciation; we are now completely different squirrels. The future that I would hope for might not be a future that is even plausible for this new species of human. I could fight aggressively to preserve the elements I grew up valuing, but will the next generation be equipped to handle them? Would they even want them? Perhaps our trajectory toward the nanny state is the only possible outcome; perhaps it is inevitable and I am simply an old soul with old fashioned ideals. I may be fighting for a lost cause. Is the wild human on the verge of extinction?
All of this observation and contemplation on my part must be shared with the caveat that I do not have children. It’s quite easy for me to sit on my high horse and cry foul; I understand things are much easier said than they are done. I certainly don’t mean to judge parents of today, but I do notice a significant difference between what being a kid means now verses what it meant in the past. My intention here is to share my thoughts and observations to prompt a discussion, not a battle.
I also must avoid stereotyping all modern day parents. While I know plenty of parents who are not raising wild children, I know others who have taken the more traditional route. Only last weekend some friends came by for a barbecue. Their eleven month old was out exploring the (concrete!) backyard, spider webs hidden everywhere and sharp edges ominously lurking about. We all had an eye on him, but from a distance. He was the first child I’ve witnessed in a while who seemed to be embarking on a childhood of living free and wild. He was very deliberate in his movement, very confident and controlled. I wondered if that self imposed caution came from not always having someone around to push danger aside. Perhaps he had the opportunity to discover the consequences of taking a tumble or two and adjusted his behavior accordingly?
I also know young people who yearn for the freedom of the past. They might not realize that is what they are missing, but they know they are missing something. There is a kernel of wildness within them. I have moments when I feel discouraged, but then I encounter these young people and they inspire hope. I think, even in spite of governments and corporations grooming future generations to be compliant, there is something inside each of us that yearns for freedom. If given the opportunity, running wild and free is the natural state for intellectual, creative humans. As we see more and more evidence of a blossoming nanny state, we need to remember that this desire to be wild will always be a flame within us.
My partner and I always share our gratefulness for growing up in the 60's and 70's. We rode bikes, made forts out of leaves, played at the park. There was no such thing as play dates. The kids would just run around to each other's homes asking them to come out and play. It was truly a better childhood than many have today. The kids all seem like they have adult schedules with all their time filled in. Ugh!
I like the squirrel story - don't remember that from the movie but then, I'm not sure I remember anything from that movie lol!
What you're largely addressing here is something that has indeed been studied and your observations are correct. Children who are always observed and not allowed to play alone become unable to make decisions on their own as they grow older. What we now call "risky play" but was simply play for us as kids (meaning, playing unattended in parking lots, playgrounds, fields, alleys, and such) builds critical thinking skills and fosters decision making and what we might consider wisdom that comes with age and experience. In other words, the intention of parents to keep their children from experiencing pain or harm (physcially and emotionally) actually backfires. Touching the hot stove (metaphorically) is actually required for us to grow up as capable, independent adults.
I still suffer from head traumas incurred as a kid (falling from monkey bars and off a chair placed on my desk in grade school - lol) but I'm grateful as heck that I was able to play and explore free of parent supervision. That independence has helped me my entire life.
when we have an entire generation that is not learning critical thinking and decision making skills as children through play, what will that mean for when they are the folks in charge - in business, in politcs, and even as heads of their own families? Not good, that's for sure.